Is Divorce Contagious?
Have you ever heard the saying “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”? Well, get ready to apply that idea to your marriage, because this statistic is wild: Couples who have close friends who divorce are 75% more likely to get a divorce.
Seriously, read that again. Seventy-five percent!
A recent study from the Pew Research Center that shows that divorce might actually be… contagious. It’s not just a sad coincidence; it’s proof of how much the attitudes and actions of those around us seep into our own lives and our relationships. Sociologists call this “social contagion”, and it emphasizes a pretty important truth: your marriage doesn’t exist in a bubble.
The Science Behind the Spread
A deep dive into decades of research from the Framingham Heart Study (a long-running longitudinal survey) has confirmed this phenomenon, and a research team found some startling connections.
Like I said above, if a close friend or family member gets divorced, you’re 75% more likely to end your own marriage. Plus, if a friend of a friend divorces (that’s two degrees of separation!), you’re still 33% more likely to get divorced.
How Does Social Contagion Work?
This is more complex than just “sad news makes people sad”. Social contagion is the way that attitudes, information, and behaviors spread to your friend groups and family ties. We see it everywhere– for example, in teenage behavior, or in trends in having children– and now, in the health of our marriages.
When someone close to you divorces, it can really shift the landscape of your life. You might lose shared friends, or you might start subconsciously asking yourself “If they couldn’t make it work, what does that mean for us?”
The perceived “ease” or acceptance of divorce increases, and suddenly, it doesn’t feel like such a remote option anymore. This is especially true if you’ve been involved in the process at all. It feels more possible to seek a divorce if you’ve helped a friend through the process; suddenly you know all about what to expect and how it works.
The divorce bug is real, and it can catch you off guard.
Your Social Network is Your Security System
The researchers behind the study offer a simple and powerful conclusion: “We suggest that attending to the health of one’s friends’ marriages might serve to support and enhance the durability of one’s own relationship.”
You don’t have to ignore issues or pretend everything is perfect. Instead, recognize that marriage endures best when it exists within communities of healthy relationships; social networks that actively encourage and support those unions.
If divorce is contagious, we can make marital health contagious instead! When a married friend is going through a rough patch, be the person who encourages them to work it out, seek relationship coaching, or focus on their spouse’s good qualities. Don’t just validate the idea of quitting.
Share stories with your friends about the hard work and intention that YOU put into your marriage. By normalizing the idea that great marriages do take effort, you can help shift the cultural narrative away from the option of just giving up!
You can also offer practical support. Can you babysit for an hour so your friends can enjoy a last-minute date night? Small acts of support like this can help stabilize their relationship, and teaming up with your spouse to help can strengthen and protect your own, too.
And here’s the best defense: laughter! Another recent study conducted with 3,000 married couples from five countries found that both husbands and wives were significantly happier with a humorous partner. Laughter is one of the quickest ways to de-escalate tension, feel connected, and remind yourselves that you’re a team. So getting together with your friends and laughing together might actually be doing some heavy lifting in protecting all of your marriages!
Surrounding yourself with people who value commitment and actively support the strength of their unions means that you’re essentially creating a firewall that helps keep that contagious divorce bug from spreading.
Protecting your marriage takes proactive effort. If you’re ready to stop worrying about the divorce bug and start investing in the health and happiness of your own marriage, let’s talk. I offer relationship coaching that gives you the tools and mindset shifts you need to make your marriage RESILIENT. Click here to schedule your introductory call with me!
