Complaining vs. Creating: Why Couples Coaching is Different From Couples Therapy
If you’ve been doing everything you can possibly think of to fix the challenges in your relationship (reading books, talking to friends, or even trying to just suck it up and pretend everything is fine)– and you’re still hitting the same wall, you should know first that you’re not alone.
Maybe you’ve even tried going to therapy to work things out, only to discover that… therapy sucks?
I’ve been there. I’ve gone to counseling and found very little, if any, lasting value in those methods. Counseling often felt like the same thing every two weeks: an hour-long meeting where we spewed petty details about the day-to-day BS with zero tools, zero direction, and zero instructions on how to actually shift or change what wasn’t working.
It was just finger-pointing, blame, and bitching about each other. Talking and being heard was okay, but couples counseling never provided the long-term solutions to the problems that plagued our marriage. For me, therapy did not help!
The Core Difference Between Counseling and Coaching
The truth is, coaching and counseling are just different. They operate on completely different principles and lead to completely different results. Relationship coaching is similar to coaching sports. I recruit my people (if I'm not a fit, I don't take them). I want to know them. When we work together, I observe how they talk and behave, I hear and see what most people don't. We practice and evaluate and adjust. When we “play the game,” we make adjustments in real time. We talk about what they do and the results they created and how they can play the game better. I give real world, tangible techniques and strategies. My clients take notes, read books and have homework. This is serious work.
When you go to couple’s counseling, the therapist will start where you are. You will talk about the feelings that led to the current problems. They’re going to ask you your thoughts about what’s going on. Yes, you get to talk and maybe feel better but most people end up worse off after counselling than before.
Coaching is Results-Driven
As a highly trained, experienced, and results-based relationship coach, I don’t focus on the “why” you feel bad; I focus on accountability. This isn’t my first rodeo. I use my expertise to focus on the old, unproductive behaviors that aren’t serving your relationship RIGHT NOW.
Couples coaching is there to support you by pointing out your blind spots– the things you can’t see in your own behavior– and then giving you specific tools and instructions on how to show up differently and create a different result.
I work to provide real solutions, structured agreements, and provide you with tools that support the harmony and alignment required to have a successful, enjoyable relationship. I also make sure we spend the time necessary to observe clients’ behavior and listen carefully to actually know and understand them– so I’m able to offer solutions that are a truly personal fit.
The key takeaway here is that couples counseling can make you feel heard, but couples coaching gives you the road map and the vehicle to change where you’re going. If you’re done rehashing the same problems and are ready for real, functional changes, then it’s time to choose the path of creation rather than complaint.
Get started today by booking a discovery call.
